Funniest E-mail Ever

From: Proctor
To: Way more people than I would've included
Date: Thu, Dec 14, 2000 12:52 PM
Subject: picture this. des moines the winter of 2000

i had two meetings this morning at the embassy club downtown off nollen plaza. after the second meeting i put on my coat, gathered my papers, and started to return the pages that i had received during the meetings, so i dialed my cell and began wandering around the club to find the nearest exit to where i wanted to be on the street. oh, right over there on the end of the dining room is an exit. i go trotting through the end of the dining room towards the sighted door. i open the door and the alarm goes off, thus i say to myself - wrong door. i slide outside and shut the door as quickly sa possible to silence the alarm. only to find that as i try to walk away that i cannot; i have shut my trechcoat in the door. sh1t...there is no door handle on the exterior side of the door. i tell the person on the other end of the line that i am sorry, but i must call them back as i am in the middle of making an a55 of myself. here i stand - most of me outside on the street but not all. i try to pull the piece remaining on the inside through to the other side, but am not successful. i look into the dining room, which is rapidly filling as it is noon, and think do i call the club to tell them to open the door quietly or do i beat on the window. i opt for the latter. i then notice that a table of 6-8 guys in the center of the dining room that are rolling. the wait staff are all looking at me now as is a good part of the dining room. the nearest waitress - bless her heart - is heading over to free me from my self made trap. she opens the door and sets off the alarm again, of course. then she says something loudly enough to direct all of the attention in the dining room to me - see i knew she was a sweetheart. i am now free to walk the sidewalk for the length of the windows of the dining room before i am truly finished with my ordeal.