Apply day and night for a lifetime

I have been fascinated with Creme de la Mer ever since watching the J-Lo episode of The Fabulous Life of... A bargain at $100/oz. The Brown got me a little sampler for Christmas, so I should be looking young and beautiful soon. It is my duty, after all.

Yes, Honey!

I miss Rita. I think about her most around the holidays. I remember watching them roll her out of The Garden that Sunday before Christmas and it makes me sad; her amazing kids speaking at the funeral and handling it all better than the rest of us; the way she was only in town for a year, but knew everyone; her shows with her beloved songs; Proctor in a robe and Mahogany's thong; teaching her to play Bridge; that fire-pot dinner; the best sholder rubs.......

Rita, we hardly knew you.

I have no reason to lie to you.

I was at the bar on Monday minding my own business when in walks a certain drag queen many of you may know from the late 80s and early 90s. The next thing I know a big fight has erupted between her and some guy I didn't recognize. I really thought it was going to come to blows.

Good old JT screaming over and over at the top of her lungs that the other guy never tells the truth. Oh, the irony.

Poor Miss Moore had her hands full kicking that group out.

Welcome to my Filthy Mind

While doing some on-line holiday shopping, The Brown discovered that her employer blocks any search on the phrase "pearl necklace." Those IT guys have to have minds as dirty as the people who hand out vanity license plates:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0923041washtags1.html

Delicious

Somehow this week, Jacob ended up grocery shopping with me. It's usually poor Cole who ends up getting dragged on all my errands, but this time it was Jacob. There was no leaving the store until we found the Spam. It took three complete swings through the store going down each aisle; and that was after asking a clerk where it was. The clerk sent us on a wild goose chase to the meat department. I had already looked for it when we passed the tuna aisle the first time, but we finally found it there. For some reason they place it on the highest shelf. Anyway, I fried up some Spamburgers last night for us. Jacob insisted on scrambled eggs with it. [!?] Scrambled eggs doused in catsup, no less. Thirty seconds after hitting the table, it was all gone. Cole summed it all up, "That was delicious, Daddy."

White Elephant

One of the only holiday events I actually look forward to is an annual White Elephant exchange a few of us have at work.

This year I got an box full of outdated tacky Christmas decorations. Even better, I got rid of a huge box of really ugly china from my garage. It came with the house.

The crowd pleaser this year was the plastic reindeer that poops brown Jelly Bellies.

Stunned or stunning? You decide.

Proctor & Sara - 2nd Annual Good-time Gang Christmas - December 11, 2004 

2004 Good-time Gang Christmas

Todd & Neal - 2nd Annual Good-time Gang Christmas - December 11, 2004 

2004 Good-time Gang Christmas 2

Nick, Cara, Sam, Phillippe - 2nd Annual Good-time Gang Christmas - December 11, 2004

2004 Good-time Gang Christmas 3

Chad and Lynn - 2nd Annual Good-time Gang Christmas - December 11, 2004 

Chad Mohawk

I didn't get to see this in person. 

Tar Fetus

Boystown - Chicago 2004

Procrastination

Holidays on Ice

David Sedaris shows up in many episodes of This American Life. You can hear them all at www.thislife.org. Check out his reading of Santaland Diaries (1996 #47) and A Very Special Sedaris Christmas (1997 #87). Poor Khe Sahn.

Thanks to a joint effort by Proctor & Sara, I have an autographed copy of Dress Your Family in Corduroy & Denim. His inscription tells me how nice it was to meet my charming friend Sara, which cracks me up. Apparently, he's not the curmudgeon he portrays himself to be.

All I want...

Bah humbug. Most of you know of my disdain for Christmas. This $1,200 phone can usually be had on E-bay for around $600. Hint, hint. Fa-la-la-la-la. Any color will do.

What I learned at Noah's

I am in love with Rosemary Mullin.

I should see "I Heart Huckabees" but not "Alexander." I recommend "Closer."

Apparently, US Cellular does not transmit to Noah's. I know I missed at least one call, but my phone doesn't. And text messages didn't arrive until I was out of the vicinity.

What happens at Redlight stays at Redlight. Right Matt?

There is an Iowa City, Florida.

Cucumber Incident

I watched a documentary on Showtime called "The Cucumber Incident." This Delaware County Ohio man was convicted of molesting his young stepdaughter. After serving his time, the mother of the victim took him back. Soon, the grandmother and four other women in the family suspected he was back to his old tricks, so they took matters into their own hands by going to his house, hog-tying him, and sodomizing him with a cucumber. These people make Des Moines look like Milan.

Line up ladies

Since Iowa has the most Playboy subscribers per capita, a "Girls of Iowa" spread is in the works.